Wasps are bastards. I always recall this line from an early performance from Craig Ferguson, when he was better known to the world at large as Bing Hitler. I could not agree more. For many years I have had an irrational fear of these little yellow and black devils. I think it goes back to childhood when I, along with some friends, were stung numerous times after disturbing a hive. When I say disturbing I mean shooting at it with air pistols to see what would happen and then been stung several times. What !!! This was in the days when we only had 3 TV channels and things like mobile phones, video games and the world wide web were merely nascent thoughts in tech heads. We had to make our own entertainment, and in between riding the streets of East Kilbride on our choppers, playing footie and rounders we would practice shooting bottles and cans with our air pistols and catapults. All very innocent. We didn't quite realise that shooting at a hive would make them so angry. I still vividly recall making it to a nearby bowling club where some very lovely octogenarian bowlers dabbed our many stings with calamine lotion. God only knows how we managed to get hold of weapons at that age but I don't recall it being that difficult in those days to get anything.
Anyway back to these pesky wasps. We have had some lovely sunny days here in Lanarkshire the last few days, but it was only last week that ice was being scraped off windscreens so the last thing I expected to see this morning when I went into my kitchen was a bloody wasp. Now, I am a tad perplexed as to how the hell it got into my flat in the first place. I live on the top floor and have not had any windows open recently. So how did the little bastard get in ? Does it have it's own key ? Did it come in through the letter box ? No idea, but as soon as I saw it I was transported back to the late 70's and that fateful day when I was stung over a dozen times. In the great scheme of things they are not exactly the world's largest creatures but I think I would rather have faced a grizzly in the wilds of Alaska this morning than that wasp. If I see one flying towards me when I am outside I have to try and appear cool even although inwardly I am anything but. That requirement is not needed in my own home so suffice to say I was not looking very cool this morning when I was trying to get rid of it. Hopefully today was a one off and there will be no more appearances this summer but I don't hold out too much hope.
I could not find any songs about wasps to post alongside my ravings but here is a prime bit of Ian Brown instead...
F.E.A.R.
I was hoping I'd have a "wasp" song to send you, but the only possibility was "Honey Bee" by Bandwagon (popular at the Golden Torch club) - so not close enough.
ReplyDeleteI was no innocent myself. The weapon I chose to trouble those poor wasps was a large rock. I thought I could outrun them - WRONG! I don't know how old I was, but I remember running (and howling) all the way home. ;-) Dare I ask how you got rid of the interloper this morning?
Just went old school Marie with a rolled up newspaper. I tried to coax it out the window but it was not for going peacefully...
DeleteI'm a bit of a fan of wasps... (add to the list along with spiders, earwigs, etc. anything with more than two legs). The naturalist in me would happily explain how they do a lot of good as vital pest-controllers in the food-chain, and the aesthete in me would happily enjoy the beauty of a wasp's colours and the intricacy of its paper nest any day.... but at the same time... well, nobody really wants one in their home (or very nearby for that matter). Aargh! As wasp colonies die off over winter, apart from their new queen which hibernates, maybe that's what you have (or had?!)
ReplyDeleteEver since being stung on the face by one years ago, I learned the trick of asking them to leave you alone politely. I know it sounds completely bloody bonkers... but it's worked every time for me, honest! You just have to remember to say "please" ;-)
I'll try saying please if I happen to have the misfortune to be in the presence of any more C...I have no issues with spiders, earwigs etc, just those bloody wasps...aargh !!!
ReplyDeleteWhen we wanted a 2nd radiator installed in our living room in our house in England my brotherin-law did it, which involved him going under the floorboards and doing something with copper piping. He found seven old wasp nests under our living room floor. But he got a bit of an allergic reaction and ended up looking like the elephant man.
ReplyDeleteIsn't there/was there a band called WASP?
The band called W.A.S.P. was the first thing I thought of when I saw this. Oh boy. I remember the single ' Animal Fuck Like A Beast' coming into the shop in its tasteful pic sleeve. Once seen never forgotten!
DeleteI've just played that song. It's really terrible. Unless it's tongue in cheek...............no, still terrible.
DeleteUnfortunately, I thought the same thing as C did. I'm allergic to bee stings. I haven't a clue what a wasp would do to me. Hope I never find out.
ReplyDelete